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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634646">(i can't) spell it out for you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolocity/pseuds/yeolocity'>yeolocity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Frat Boys Johnjae, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:02:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolocity/pseuds/yeolocity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>but, as it goes, denial is only the first stage of grief. once johnny worked his way through anger, bargaining, and despair, he got to acceptance, and what an epiphany that was, for johnny to finally admit to himself that, even though he’s known that jaehyun is straight from the literal first moment they met, that didn’t stop him from developing the biggest, fattest crush on him that he’s been harboring for a seemingly endless three and a half years now.</p>
<p>and just to make things worse, that crush has turned into full on love—like, kiss in the rain, hold hands in public, get married and have kids and die together <i>love</i>. </p>
<p>which is kind of fucked up, if johnny thinks about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>729</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>(i can't) spell it out for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this was written as a commission for <a href="https://twitter.com/JaehyunNakamoto">jaehyunnakamoto</a> on twit! hope u like it!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>it’s saturday morning, the light is filtering through the split in johnny’s blinds, the radiator is humming, and johnny wakes up to jaehyun crawling into his bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“dude,” johnny grumbles, pushing at jaehyun’s face as he lays down next to him. jaehyun snickers, purposefully blowing his morning breath in johnny’s face. johnny retches exaggeratedly. “what time is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“little after eleven,” jaehyun says, snuggling into johnny’s mattress like he’d been invited there, and hadn’t just decided to completely invade johnny’s serene morning bubble.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“why are you in my bed,” johnny asks, deadpan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun makes a face at him. “your bed is nicer than mine,” jaehyun says, like it means something. “and i’ve been waiting for you to wake up since like, ten o’clock. i got some shit i need to tell you, dude.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny sighs, accepting the fact that his morning plans—to lay in until at least noon, scroll twitter, maybe jerk off if he felt like it—have been thwarted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“who’d you fuck this time?” johnny asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yo, how’d you know?” jaehyun asks, eyes wide. “i barely even said anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny rolls his eyes. “i know you, dude,” johnny says. “every time you come into my room this early after a night out, it’s so you can tell me what—or should i say </span>
  <em>
    <span>who—</span>
  </em>
  <span>you got into the night before.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“well shit,” jaehyun laughs. “at least i’m consistent.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“that you are,” johnny agrees, and pretends to listen as intently as he can as jaehyun tells him, in excruciating detail, about the girl he had sex with last night.</span>
</p>
<p><span>“and her tits were like, fucking </span><em><span>perfect, </span></em><span>dude,” jaehyun says, lifting his hands and squeezing at the air, as if to show johnny exactly how he’d done the same to those </span><em><span>perfect tits </span></em><span>last night.</span> <span>“and she rode me so hard i literally thought she was going to break my dick. but like, in the best way possible.”</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“how is that </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever </span>
  </em>
  <span>good?” johnny asks, his face pinching up. “i don’t see how thinking someone’s gonna break your dick would be nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“oh come on,” jaehyun says, pushing at johnny’s bare shoulder. his palms are hot where they touch johnny’s skin. “you’re telling me you’ve never had a guy ride you like that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“no, i can’t say that i have,” johnny says, jerking his shoulder to get jaehyun to pull his hand away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“your loss,” jaehyun snickers, before diving back into his story.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>truth be told, johnny’s only half listening to what jaehyun is talking about. it’s not that he doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>care, </span>
  </em>
  <span>per say, but more so that he’s tired of hearing stories of jaehyun’s conquests because, well, because they don’t involve </span>
  <em>
    <span>him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>and like, okay. johnny’s not stupid. he’s known since he and jaehyun met freshman year that jaehyun jung was a big ol’ hetero, a straight, capital s, trademark and all. which johnny’s cool with. he has other straight friends who talk about their hookups on occasion, and johnny’s not one of those kinds of gay dudes who refuses to be around straight guys when they’re talking about tits or pussy. he really doesn’t care, honestly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>with jaehyun, it’s different though. and for the longest time, johnny tried to pretend he didn’t know exactly why it bothered him when jaehyun talked about fucking girls. like, denial isn’t just a river in egypt, and johnny was up that shit without a paddle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>but, as it goes, denial is only the first stage of grief. once johnny worked his way through anger, bargaining, and despair, he got to acceptance, and what an epiphany that was, for johnny to finally admit to himself that, even though he’s known that jaehyun is straight from the literal first moment they met, that didn’t stop him from developing the biggest, fattest crush on him that he’s been harboring for a seemingly endless three and a half years now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>and just to make things worse, that crush has turned into full on love—like, kiss in the rain, hold hands in public, get married and have kids and die together </span>
  <em>
    <span>love. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>which is kind of fucked up, if johnny thinks about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>for as smart as he is, jaehyun is also incredibly unobservant, which is why, johnny assumes, that he hasn’t yet caught on to the fact that his best friend is literally head over heels in love with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>admittedly, johnny’s able to hide it pretty well, but even taeyong had called him out on it before, and taeyong barely pays attention to anything or anyone that doesn’t fit into his baby twink catboy agenda, so that’s saying something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>maybe it’s because taeyong’s the only other gay dude in their group of friends, but that’s neither here nor there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i think i actually want to see her again, dude,” jaehyun says, dragging johnny’s attention back to what he's actually talking about.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“wait, seriously?” johnny asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah,” jaehyun nods. “like, i know i said i didn’t want to date anyone again so soon after joy and i broke up, but jennie, she’s like—she’s like my dream girl, dude.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny purses his lips, frowning at the mention of jaehyun’s most recent ex girlfriend. joy was nice enough, pretty and soft spoken, but johnny felt about her the same way he felt about all of jaehyun’s hook ups or exes. as in, he’d prefer to pretend that they just didn’t exist, shitty as that is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you should go for it,” johnny says, ignoring the twinge in his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you think so?” jaehyun asks, and he looks so fucking earnest that it makes johnny want to kick himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah, sure,” johnny says. “if you like her, then why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah, y’know what? you’re right,” jaehyun says, grinning. his dimples are like craters in his cheeks, and johnny has to curl his hands into fists to resist the urge to reach out and touch them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“as i usually am,” johnny murmurs, forcing himself to look away from jaehyun’s face, staring instead at a loose thread poking out of his duvet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun makes a happy noise, snuggling deeper into johnny’s sheets. “cuddle me,” jaehyun says, leaving johnny to wonder what he could have possibly done in a past life to deserve this kind of fucked up karma.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“cuddle yourself, i’m getting up,” johnny says, tossing his duvet off and sitting up. jaehyun honest to god </span>
  <em>
    <span>whines, </span>
  </em>
  <span>pushing his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you’re the </span>
  <em>
    <span>worst,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you invaded </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>bed,” johnny retorts, standing up and padding over to his desk, grabbing his glasses and putting them on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i just wanted to hang out!” jaehyun says in his own defense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny rolls his eyes. “come on,” he says. “i’ll make breakfast.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun shoots up out of johnny’s bed immediately. “you’re the </span>
  <em>
    <span>best,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he says, following johnny out of the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny makes them a simple breakfast, just eggs and bacon, trying to ignore the longing in his chest when jaehyun gushes at him in thanks, and then pulls out his phone to text that girl, still so terribly, horribly oblivious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>one thing that johnny’s always been incredibly envious of when it comes to jaehyun is how quickly jaehyun gets up and goes after something when he realizes that he wants it. whether that be something to eat, a new pair of shoes, or a </span>
  <em>
    <span>person, </span>
  </em>
  <span>jaehyun doesn’t waste time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>so, when johnny comes home from work to their shared apartment that next friday to find a girl in his kitchen that he doesn’t recognize, wearing nothing but her underwear and what johnny assumes is one of jaehyun’s hoodies, he’s not exactly surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny clears his throat and the girl startles, spilling a bit of the juice she was pouring into a glass.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“oh my god—hello,” she says, setting the carton of juice down on the counter, one hand clutched over her chest. “you scared the shit out of me. but, uh, you must be johnny?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny nods, toeing off his shoes. “i am,” he confirms. “i’m assuming you’re jennie?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the girl grins sheepishly. her teeth are small, her smile gummy. it’s cute. “i am,” she echoes. “it’s nice to meet you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jennie holds out a small, delicately manicured hand. johnny grasps it, shaking once. “likewise,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’ll get out of your way in a minute, sorry,” she says, opening the fridge and putting the carton of juice back inside. “let me just clean up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>she grabs a paper towel off the roll and uses it to mop up the bit of juice she spilled on the countertop, chucking it into the garbage when she’s done. she picks up her glass, bidding johnny goodbye as she pads off in the direction of jaehyun’s bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny sighs, walking over to the fridge to open it and grab out a beer. he sits down at the kitchen table, rubbing the sudden ache from his temples.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jennie seems—nice. nice enough that johnny instantly feels like shit for wishing she didn’t exist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny doesn’t see her or jaehyun for the rest of the night, but he does </span>
  <em>
    <span>hear </span>
  </em>
  <span>them. johnny and jaehyun share a bedroom wall, and johnny’s had to hear jaehyun’s headboard smacking against it enough times to know that it’s probably not going to end any time soon, and johnny’s better off just putting his airpods in and watching netflix on his macbook than trying to wait it out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he puts on </span>
  <em>
    <span>parks and rec </span>
  </em>
  <span>and ends up falling asleep in the middle of his third or fourth episode. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>when he wakes up the next morning, groggy and with a crick in his neck from sleeping half sitting up in his bed, the apartment is quiet. he checks his phone for the time—it’s a little after ten, so jaehyun is probably awake already, usually somewhat of an early riser if he hadn’t gone out the night before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny’s back cracks as he stretches, getting up out of bed. he’s in the mood for some frosted flakes, the family size box in their pantry calling his name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>when he gets to the kitchen, that's where he finds jaehyun, standing over the stove and cooking some eggs in a frying pan. he’s alone, which johnny finds a little odd, having thought that jennie would be staying for the entire weekend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun must hear johnny come in, turning his head and smiling when he sees him. “morning,” jaehyun says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“morning,” johnny echoes, padding over to the pantry and pulling it open, grabbing the box of frosted flakes when he finds it. he wanders to the fridge next, opening it and grabbing the milk. “jennie go home?” he asks, grabbing a bowl from the pile of clean dishes in the sink, dumping some of the cereal in before he douses it with the milk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah,” jaehyun says. “she has a sorority thing today, so she left at like nine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“ah,” johnny says, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “she, uh, seems nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun laughs, grabbing a spatula and using it to </span>
  <span>flip his egg, making a small, victorious sound when he does so without breaking the yolk. “yeah, she told me she ran into you in the kitchen yesterday,” jaehyun says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny makes a noncommittal sort of noise, shoveling a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun joins him shortly after, his fried egg and a few slices of toast on his plate. they eat in companionable silence until jaehyun breaks it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yo, taeyong‘s throwing a party tonight for yuta’s birthday, do you wanna go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what time?” johnny asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yong said to come over at like ten,” jaehyun says. “he said we’ll drink at their place for a little while and then probably go to the bars.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“cool,” johnny says. “i’m down.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun cleans his own plate before johnny’s done with his cereal, dropping it into the sink to wash later. “gonna go take a shower,” he says. he starts to leave the kitchen but then stops suddenly, whirling around to face johnny again. “oh! i forgot to ask—d’you wanna go to the mall with me later? i wanna go shopping, maybe find something to wear tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny swallows. “yeah, sure,” he says. “what time do you wanna leave?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i was gonna shower and get ready now, and then go, if that’s cool?” jaehyun offers. “unless you wanted to shower before we go, too?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“nah, i’m fine, i showered yesterday morning,” johnny says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“cool,” jaehyun says, smiling wide enough for his cheeks to dimple. johnny’s breath hitches. “give me like, forty five minutes, and i’ll be ready to go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“sounds good,” johnny says, giving jaehyun a mock two finger salute as he leaves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny finishes his cereal, dumping the empty bowl into the sink before he wanders back to his room. he can hear the shower running, the low melody of jaehyun humming to himself under the spray. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny sighs, flopping down onto his bed. he grabs his phone, unlocking it and opening twitter, scrolling through his timeline, not really paying much attention to it at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun ends up traipsing into johnny’s room half naked after his shower, dressed in nothing but a pair of skin tight black jeans, hair still wet and dripping onto his shoulders. “yo,” he says, already making his way over to johnny’s closet, “can i borrow a tshirt? all my shit is dirty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“no,” johnny says, but his words have no effect. jaehyun’s already snagged one of johnny’s shirts, a plain white tee, and tugged it on over his head. “do your fucking laundry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“can’t you just do it for me when you do yours?” jaehyun pleads, turning his pouty eyes on johnny. “i always fuck it up somehow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’m not your housewife, dude,” johnny says, rolling his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun whines about nothing for a few more moments before he seems to finally give up on trying to con johnny into doing his chores for him. he tucks the front of his shirt (johnny’s shirt) into the waistband of his jeans, then pulls his phone out of his pocket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’m ready to go when you are, dude,” jaehyun says, flopping down next to johnny on johnny’s bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“cool,” johnny says, getting up. “lemme get changed quick then we can go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny closes twitter, tossing his phone onto his duvet before he gets up off the bed. to his surprise, jaehyun traipses over and flops down almost immediately into the spot that johnny just vacated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“dude,” johnny says, “i need to change.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“so?” jaehyun asks. he grabs johnny’s phone off the bed and unlocks it, having figured out johnny’s passcode months ago. “it’s not like i haven’t seen your dick before, dude.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny tries to fight the flush in his cheeks but fails, choosing instead to just pretend jaehyun’s not there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he dresses quickly, not bothering to change his boxer briefs since he put on a new pair before he’d gone to bed last night. he settles on a pair of comfortable, well worn jeans and his favorite black nike hoodie, the whole time being a little too overly focused on the sounds of jaehyun playing candy crush on his phone only a few feet away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny looks himself in the mirror hanging on his wall, running his fingers through his hair a few times to fluff it into something appropriate to be seen in public. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>when he turns back to jaehyun he finds him already staring at him, a somewhat strange look on his face. jaehyun schools his expression when he notices johnny’s looking at him again. “you ready?” he asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah,” johnny says. “give me my phone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun locks it and tosses it to johnny, who catches it one handed before sliding it into the front pocket of his jeans. jaehyun gets up from the bed, stretching with his hands over his head, and johnny tries with all his might not to stare at the strip of skin revealed when the hem of jaehyun’s shirt pops out from where it was tucked into his waistband. he fails. jaehyun’s happy trail makes him feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>things.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they take jaehyun’s car to the mall, and spend a few good hours ducking from store to store, buying a couple things here and there. johnny ends up with a new hoodie, some joggers, and a pair of lavender purple converse, and jaehyun finds a pair of ripped black jeans that fit him like a glove, a champion crewneck sweatshirt, and a pair of navy blue high top vans.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they stop for chinese on their way home, and by the time they get back, johnny is tired and full and desperately in need of a nap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yo, if i’m not up in three hours, come wake me up,” johnny says, looking over his shoulder at jaehyun as he makes his way into his room. “i wanna shower before we go to yong and yuta’s.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘kay,” jaehyun says, flopping down onto the sofa, tv remote already in hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny still sets an alarm on his phone, just in case, then strips out of his jeans. he snuggles into his bed, and within minutes, he’s knocked out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>always frustratingly dependable, jaehyun had woken johnny up almost exactly three hours on the dot after johnny’d fallen asleep, even before his alarm had gone off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(it’s much more pleasant to be woken up by jaehyun gently shaking his shoulder than by a blaring alarm, but johnny’s not trying to think too hard about that.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny showers, and when he wanders out into the kitchen after he’s done getting dressed and semi styling his hair, he finds jaehyun there too, in his new black jeans and crewneck, lining up shot glasses on the counter, a frosted bottle of tequila in his other hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he looks good. he </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>looks good.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun turns to johnny when he hears him come in, grinning wide. “let’s do shots,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it’s only eight,” johnny says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“so?” jaehyun retorts. “we’ll have a couple shots, then just drink a couple beers or something until it’s time to go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he says it so matter of factly that johnny can’t find it in himself to disagree.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they eat take two tequila shots each, grimacing at the burn. jaehyun shoves the bottle back onto the freezer like it’s offended him, pulling out a beer for himself and one for johnny. he tosses it underhanded and johnny catches it easily, cracking the tab away from himself so he can avoid the spray of foam.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>by the time they’re ready to call the uber and head out, johnny is pleasantly buzzed. he grabs a few more beers to take with him, and jaehyun plucks the bottle of tequila from the freezer, slipping it into the nike backpack he has slung over his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>taeyong is the one to answer the door when they get to his and yuta’s place, throwing his arms around johnny. “you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>here,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> taeyong slurs, planting a wet kiss on johnny’s cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“how drunk are you already?” johnny asks, unwinding taeyong’s arms from around his neck as they step inside. he sees most of their group of friends already there–yuta is sitting on the couch next to mark, doyoung and jungwoo across from them. they’re playing a game of king’s cup, a beer can on the table between them with a few cards already shoved under the tab. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘m not,” taeyong huffs. “i only had a couple drinks so far.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah, but how much vodka?” johnny snorts, moving further into the living room so he can flop down into the open space on the sofa beside mark. he watches jaehyun traipse into the kitchen, probably to make himself another drink and stash the tequila in taeyong and yuta’s freezer. taeyong takes a seat on the floor to jungwoo’s right, grabbing a red solo cup off the table and taking a sip of whatever’s inside–probably his demonic kool-aid and vodka mix. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yo, dude!” mark cheers when he sits down. “i was wondering when you’d get here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you know i’m always fashionably late,” johnny says, leaning over mark to bump yuta’s shoulder with his fist. “happy birthday, dude. i brought a j for you if you wanna smoke it with me later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“hell yeah,” yuta grins, showing off his teeth. “thanks, man.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“no problem,” he says. “so can i get in on this, or am i too late?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“nah,” says doyoung, “it’s only been the first round, so you can go now and we’ll keep playing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“sick,” johnny says, and plucks a card from the circle laid out around the beer can. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun comes back a couple minutes later, two solo cups in hand. he gives one to johnny and then takes a seat on the floor, joining in their game.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny almost gags when it’s his turn to drink and he takes a sip of what’s in his cup, getting unexpectedly smacked in the face by almost pure tequila. he expected a 50/50 mix of tequila and seven up, but it seems like jaehyun’s in more of a 90/10 mood tonight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the game goes for a few more rounds until jungwoo pops the tab and has to chug the beer, whining for a few seconds before he cracks the beer and chugs it in like, fifteen seconds flat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i think that’s a new personal best for him,” doyoung says, impressed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny’s drink is almost empty now, and he’s feeling pleasantly warm and definitely drunk. mark gets up from the sofa to go grab himself another beer, and jaehyun takes the opportunity to steal his seat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yo,” jaehyun says, tapping his cup against johnny’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“mark’s gonna be sad you stole his spot,” johnny says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“his fault,” jaehyun shrugs. “on your feet, lose your seat, y’know? he didn’t call fives.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“true,” johnny nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>sure enough, when mark comes back to see jaehyun in his previous spot he groans, but nonetheless sits down on the floor either way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the party lulls around for a bit longer, johnny calling fives on his seat and getting up to make himself another drink. yuta follows him into the kitchen, asking him if he wants to go smoke, and johnny follows him out to the rear balcony after he stashes the tequila back in the freezer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny reaches into his front pocket and pulls out the joint, yuta passing him a lighter. he lights it and takes a couple hits, passing it to yuta when he’s done. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i know i said it already, but happy birthday, dude,” johnny says, coughing into the palm of his hand, the lingering smoke tickling his lungs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“thanks, man,” yuta grins, taking another hit before he passes the joint back to johnny. “yong tried to make this whole thing a surprise, but you know how shitty he is at keeping secrets.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny snickers. “yeah,” he agrees. “his heart’s in the right place, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>yuta laughs too, breath visible in the chilly night air. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny takes another couple drags, the joint burning down quicker than he’d like it to. he lets yuta finish it off, dropping the roach and grinding it into the concrete with the heel of his shoe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>a light breeze makes johnny shiver, and yuta offers for them to go back inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny nods in agreement, and yuta opens the patio door. they walk back inside to the sound of what johnny can only describe as a ruckus, and when they get into the living room again, he sees exactly what is is that’s causing the uproar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun is on his back, sprawled over the coffee table, with his shirt rucked up to his chest. taeyong is kneeling next to him, face pinched up as he sucks on a lime. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you guys are doing body shots?” yuta says, flopping down onto the sofa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it was taeyong’s idea,” mark says. “apparently jaehyun has a deep belly button, and taeyong wanted to see how much tequila he could hold in it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“the answer is ‘a lot’,” taeyong says, pulling the lime out of his mouth with a grimace. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun snickers. “anyone else want a go while i’m down here? mark? doie?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>both mark and doyoung shake their heads. johnny’s eyes flick to jaehyun’s naked torso and then away, and he makes the mistake of locking eyes with taeyong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mischief flashes across taeyong’s face for a second, and he says, “i think johnny should do one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>apparently the rest of johnny’s friends also think that’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>great</span>
  </em>
  <span> idea, hooting and urging johnny to take the shot. johnny panics, instinctively looking to jaehyun, who just shrugs his shoulders and says, “why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>things move quickly after that, and johnny can’t back out, even if he wanted to. admittedly, his mouth is watering, fingers curling against his thighs at the thought that he’s going to get the opportunity to put his mouth all over jaehyun’s skin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>taeyong pours some more tequila into jaehyun’s navel, and pops another slice of lime into jaehyun’s mouth. he moves out of the way and johnny takes his spot on the floor next to where jaehyun’s laying on the table, swallowing hard and trying to calm the rapid beating of his heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“do you want salt?” taeyong asks, and holds up the salt shaker.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“s-sure,” johnny says, clearing his throat. “i mean, yeah. gimme the shaker.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>taeyong hands it over, johnny upending it and shaking a small pile of salt onto jaehyun’s belly, right next to his navel. he sets the shaker down on the floor, licking over his bottom lip as he looks to jaehyun’s face and asks, “you ready?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun nods, and johnny would like to think he’s the cause of the flush on jaehyun’s cheeks, but jaehyun is shameless and drunk, and johnny knows the redness on his face is due to the alcohol more than anything else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>tearing his eyes away from jaehyun’s face, johnny ducks down and licks up the salt on jaehyun’s skin, their friends hooting around them as johnny dips his tongue into jaehyun’s navel, pursing his lips to suck up the tequila. it burns as he swallows, and he doesn’t hesitate to grab the lime out of jaehyun’s mouth with his own teeth, their lips only a hair's breadth away from touching. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny pulls back, refusing to look at jaehyun and pretending that it’s the burn of the tequila and the sourness of the lime that’s making his face pinch up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“that was hot,” taeyong says, and the weird tension between johnny and jaehyun snaps when jaehyun snorts, sitting up on the table and tugging his shirt back down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you’re a horndog,” jaehyun says, and taeyong huffs in mock offense. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the rest of the night carries on relatively uneventfully - they play a few rounds of beer pong and another game of king’s cup, which ends up with jaehyun as the loser, and he grimaces as he chugs the beer, belching loudly when he finishes. johnny hates that he finds that attractive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they don’t end up leaving to go to the bars, staying at taeyong and yuta’s place well into the wee hours of the morning. it’s almost three am when johnny finally calls him and jaehyun an uber to take them home, and jaehyun is so drunk that he’s falling all over johnny as they walk out of the house, giggling and snuffling cutely as he tries to bury his face into johnny’s chest in the back seat of the car.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>thankfully the uber driver pays them no mind, dropping them off at their apartment only a few minutes later, and johnny tips him well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun clings to johnny as he unlocks their front door. johnny pushes the door open, jaehyun following him inside, nearly tripping them both.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“jae, come on,” johnny says, pushing halfheartedly at jaehyun’s arms where they’re wrapped around his waist. “you should go to bed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun makes a noise in the back of his throat, high and whiny. “don’t wanna,” he mutters, “i wanna sleep with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“why, is there something wrong with your own bed?” johnny asks, heart pounding at jaehyun’s words. </span>
  <em>
    <span>i wanna sleep with you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yours is comfier,” jaehyun says, like it’s really that simple.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“fine,” johnny acquiesces. “come on, i’m tired.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun lets go of johnny long enough for them to get into his room, both of them stripping out of their jeans. johnny tosses jaehyun a t shirt to wear, and they crawl into johnny’s bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun immediately crowds up close. “cuddle me,” jaehyun says, huffy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny rolls his eyes, but lifts his arm up for jaehyun to snuggle close. “you must be really drunk,” johnny says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“why?” jaehyun asks, and when he looks up at johnny, his eyes are a lot clearer than johnny expected them to be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny swallows. “you only want to snuggle like this when you’re wasted,” johnny says lamely, his voice dropping low, whisper quiet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘s’not true,” jaehyun says. he stares at johnny, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. “i wanna do this with you all the time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny’s heart beats wildly in his chest, wrought with implication. “jae–” he says, but doesn’t get a chance to finish his thought, because a second later jaehyun is kissing him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>kiss </span>
  </em>
  <span>is the wrong word, johnny supposes, what with how intense jaehyun is crushing their mouths together. johnny gasps in surprise, and jaehyun takes the chance to slip his tongue into johnny’s mouth, and johnny’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>gone.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he moans into jaehyun’s mouth, hands sliding up and into jaehyun’s hair, tugging gently. jaehyun makes a breathy sound when johnny uses his grip in jaehyun’s hair to tug his head back, changing the angle so he can kiss jaehyun even deeper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the sounds jaehyun makes are something johnny didn’t think he’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever </span>
  </em>
  <span>get the chance to hear like this, up close and personal, let alone be the cause of it. jaehyun’s mouth is soft, giving easily under johnny’s, and he makes the perfect little noises, breathy and full of need.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>if they don’t stop soon, johnny’s going to make an absolute </span>
  <em>
    <span>fool </span>
  </em>
  <span>of himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny pulls away, fighting every urge he has to dive back in and kiss jaehyun breathless when jaehyun makes a whiny little noise, hands balling in johnny’s shirt to try to pull him back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“jae,” johnny breathes, “we should go to bed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“no,” jaehyun says. “you should kiss me again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny laughs, light and airy. “i want to,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“then </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>it,” jaehyun grumbles, and tries to pull johnny back down again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny wraps a hand around jaehyun’s wrist to stop him. “ask me in the morning,” johnny says, “and if you still want me to kiss you again, i will.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun makes a noncommittal noise, letting go of johnny’s shirt. “bet,” he says, and rolls over onto his side, his back against johnny’s chest. “spoon me,” he orders, voice already going thick with lethargy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny does as he’s told, slipping his arm around jaehyun’s waist, pulling him tighter into his chest. he can’t resist nuzzling into the back of jaehyun’s neck and jaehyun sighs, sounding content.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it doesn’t take long for johnny to fall asleep after that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>morning comes sooner than johnny would like it to, and instead of being woken up nicely by the sun trickling in through his curtains or by the sound of birds chirping outside his window, johnny wakes up to jaehyun snoring in his ear and a knee jammed into his lower back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it doesn’t seem out of place at first, really, waking up to jaehyun in his bed. usually jaehyun waits until johnny’s actually awake before he comes in to invade his space, but sometimes he doesn’t want to wait that long, and johnny ends up waking up with jaehyun already in his bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>which, at first, is what johnny assumes jaehyun must have done. he gets a few moments of ignorant bliss before his memories of last night come flooding back, and johnny feels like somebody’s just gone and kicked him in the balls as he </span>
  <em>
    <span>remembers.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun, moaning against his mouth, his hands in jaehyun’s hair, kissing him like they were lovers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>god, </span>
  </em>
  <span>what was he </span>
  <em>
    <span>thinking?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>panic starts to set in, johnny’s brain whirring as he tries to think of a plan on how he’s going to deal with this. jaehyun was </span>
  <em>
    <span>drunk </span>
  </em>
  <span>last night, stumbling so much that johnny had to practically drag him into their apartment–would he have kissed johnny like that if he’d been sober?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the answer johnny comes up with is </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely not, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and that hurts a lot more than he thought it would.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny’s mouth goes drier than the sahara, and he slips out of bed as quietly as he can. jaehyun snuffles but doesn’t wake up as johnny flees from the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he pours himself a glass of water in the kitchen, sitting down at their small table. he scrubs a hand over his face, contemplating.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the way he sees it, there’s one of two ways this can go: option one, he and jaehyun awkwardly acknowledge that they made out in johnny’s bed last night, jaehyun reiterates that he’s straight and he was just drunk, and they vow to never speak of it again. option two, he goes back into his bedroom, gets in bed and pretends to be asleep until jaehyun wakes up, and then acts like he doesn’t remember a thing from the night before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>frankly johnny’s not looking to have to deal with the inevitable awkward fallout that would come with acknowledging what happened between them last night. he’s been pretending his feelings for jaehyun don’t exist for years now—pretending like he doesn’t remember making out with his straight best friend last night is a cakewalk in comparison. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny sighs, hefting himself up from his seat, padding over to the sink to dump out the remainder of his water. when he makes it back to his room, pushing the door open tentatively, he finds jaehyun still passed out, curled up around one of johnny’s extra pillows.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>being careful not to jostle jaehyun too much lest he wake him, johnny slides back into bed and under the covers. jaehyun snuffles and rouses a bit, johnny’s heart pounding in his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“j’nny?” jaehyun mumbles, voice still thick with sleep. “what’re’y’doin?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny scrambles for a moment. “needed some water,” he says, which </span>
  <em>
    <span>technically </span>
  </em>
  <span>isn’t a lie, but then he says, “my head is pounding,” which </span>
  <em>
    <span>is.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“oh,” jaehyun says, yawning widely. johnny can feel jaehyun’s legs stretch out under the covers, and his cheeks are flushed when he rolls over to face johnny and ask, “d’you–remember anything about what happened last night?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny’s breath gets caught in his throat, and he sounds just a bit too strangled when he says, “no, i–blacked out, i think. i don’t really remember much after when yuta and i smoked that j.” jaehyun’s face falls and johnny feels like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>dick.</span>
  </em>
  <span> but it’s better this way, honestly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“do you remember the, um, b-body shots?” jaehyun asks, cheeks going redder. johnny’s heart skips a beat; for all the times johnny’s sat and listened to jaehyun describe his sexcapdes in </span>
  <em>
    <span>excruciating </span>
  </em>
  <span>detail, he’s never once heard jaehyun stutter while he spoke of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>a nervous laugh bubbles out from between johnny’s lips before he can help it. “i, uh, yeah. i remember that,” he says. “i think the tequila hit me too hard. i don’t really remember the rest of the night, though. it’s really patchy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun nods, and johnny tries not to read too much into the expression on his face, lest he get his hopes up only to be shot right back down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“do you want some breakfast?” johnny asks, doing what he can to pull their conversation away from the trainwreck it would inevitably become if they kept talking. “i’m starving.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun licks his lips, pulling his eyes away from johnny’s face to stare at the duvet. his toes are sticking out from the bottom of it, and he wiggles them. “sure,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“cool,” johnny replies, getting up out of bed, grabbing his phone off the charger as he goes. “i’ll make bacon and eggs?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“sounds good,” jaehyun says. his voice still carries a tinge of something johnny can’t quite put his finger on, but he’s smiling, dimples like perfect craters in his cheeks. “meet you in the kitchen in a minute, i gotta pee.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they part ways, johnny heading back into the kitchen as jaehyun follows him out of the room, padding off towards the bathroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>once the coast is clear, johnny pulls out his phone, opening up the message thread he has with taeyong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>johnny (10:24am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>sos sos sos sos taeyong i fucked up</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>taeyongie (10:26am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>oh god</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>what did u do this time</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>johnny (10:27am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>ok so admittedly my memory of last night is slightly spotty</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>but i’m like 99% sure</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>i made out with jaehyun last night</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>taeyongie (10:28am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>cute!!!!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>is that why frat boys wear their hats backwards??</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>so they can make out with their homies? 😳</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>johnny (10:28am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>SHUT</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he was so drunk last night yong</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>i don’t think he even realized what was happening</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>taeyongie (10:29am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>you were BOTH wasted last night</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>and like, so what if u guys made out</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it’s not like u sucked his dick or anything</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>taeyongie (10:30am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…..u didn’t suck his dick right??</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>johnny (10:31am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>NO omg</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>we just made out</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>and then he slept in my bed with me</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>i just,,,,i thought he was straight?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>taeyongie (10:31am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>apparently not as straight as u thought!!!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>u should really talk to him tho</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>don’t just pretend it didn’t happen</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>bc i know that’s what ur gonna try to do</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>johnny (10:31am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>hhhAAAA too late</span>
</p>
<p>
  <b>taeyongie (10:32am):</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>you’re a dumbass </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny sighs, staring down at taeyong’s message. he gives up on trying to explain himself (mostly because he feels like he can’t, and taeyong would absolutely call him out on it and make him feel like an even bigger jackass) and locks his phone, tucking it into the pocket of his sweats. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun makes his way into the kitchen just as johnny’s cracking the eggs into the pan, looking adorably sleep ruffled, cheeks and eyes still puffy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny pays more attention to the skillet than he needs to while he cooks, and adamantly resolves to handle this the same way he’s handled everything else regarding his jaehyun situation (trademark included)–that is, pretend it doesn’t exist and only deal with the fallout if and when it actually happens.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he recalls taeyong’s message–</span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re a dumbass–</span>
  </em>
  <span>and thinks to himself </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah, i really am.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>things with jaehyun get </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird </span>
  </em>
  <span>after that. not like </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird </span>
  </em>
  <span>weird, where there’s a physical manifestation of the awkwardness between them, but johnny definitely feels like there’s something </span>
  <em>
    <span>off </span>
  </em>
  <span>now whenever he and jaehyun are alone together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>for one, jaehyun doesn’t come in and invade johnny’s bed in the mornings anymore. for as much as he used to roll his eyes and groan about jaehyun having his own perfectly good bed, johnny has to admit that he misses waking up to jaehyun crawling under his duvet, hair mussed and eyes still a little puffy from sleep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it’s not like they don’t talk at all or anything serious like that, but it does seem like there’s things that jaehyun just doesn’t want to talk to </span>
  <em>
    <span>johnny</span>
  </em>
  <span> about anymore. like, jaehyun has been seeing jennie for the better part of a month now, and jaehyun has barely said a word to johnny about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny’s not trying to invade jaehyun’s relationship, but he does find it a bit odd. when jaehyun was dating joy and before the night that shall not be named happened, jaehyun </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>told johnny about his relationships. like, not just the sex, but their dates and cute things his current girlfriend had done or said that day; he’d even ask johnny for his input on gift or date ideas. </span>
  <em>
    <span>if a guy was planning this date for you, would you like it?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>but now it’s just radio silence. johnny only knows that jaehyun’s still seeing jennie because she comes over every other day. she’s still just as pleasant as ever and she always strikes up conversation with johnny when they happen to be in the same room together, but other than that, there’s nothing. johnny doesn’t even know if they’re serious now or just keeping it casual. jaehyun hasn’t told him and johnny hasn’t asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>other than that, johnny supposes, their relationship has stayed relatively normal since that night. neither he nor jaehyun have brought it up, although he’s sure jaehyun saw right through his farce about forgetting that it had even happened in the first place. johnny figures jaehyun’s embarrassed about it, and that he’s drawing away from johnny in certain ways to make sure that their relationship doesn’t cross that line again. it saddens johnny, just a bit, but he’d rather have things be like this instead of not having jaehyun as a friend at all. and it’s not like things are really all that different anyways. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>or at least that’s the lie johnny’s been telling himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it’s fine though, really. he and jaehyun are still best friends, and that’s the best outcome that johnny could have hoped for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>taeyong had texted johnny a few times after johnny had first told him about what happened, asking if, as he’d put it, johnny was going to stop acting like an emotionally stunted little chicken shit and talk to jaehyun about what went down that night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>pretending you don’t remember what happened isn’t helping anything. you’re going to ruin your friendship if you keep acting like this, john.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>taeyong only calls johnny by his proper name when he’s especially upset with him, and his words burn in johnny’s brain. he keeps going back and reading over their conversation, warring with himself as to whether or not he should bite the bullet and stop being a coward.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it’s hard. he’s scared. he’s worried that if he admits to jaehyun now that he’d been lying about not remembering anything from that night that jaehyun’s reaction is going to be even worse than johnny had feared it was going to be the morning after. jaehyun hates being lied to, and johnny knows how hurt he’d be finding out that johnny has been lying to him about what he remembers from that night for the better part of a month now. just the thought of it puts a heavy, dense pit in johnny’s stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny sighs as he thinks about it, putting his key into the door to unlock it. it’s late, his shift having just ended, and all he wants to do is change out of his uniform, take a shower, and then go the fuck to bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>nothing seems amiss when johnny pushes the door open, the living room dark and the apartment quiet. johnny can see a small bit of light filtering into the kitchen from the hallway where his and jaehyun’s rooms and the bathroom are, and he figures that jaehyun’s just probably still up, scrolling through twitter on his phone or playing on xbox live with mark. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>which is why johnny doesn’t pay it any mind as he starts to make his way to the bathroom, dead set on taking a nice long steaming shower to ease the stress of his work day from his muscles. what makes him give pause, however, is the rhythmic thumping of jaehyun’s headboard against the wall. johnny’s heard it plenty of times before to know exactly what it means, and he honest to god doesn’t mean to peep, but he can’t help but be struck still when he gets close enough and can see through the small opening in jaehyun’s door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>of all things johnny expected to see, this is definitely not one of them. he’s not surprised to see jennie, but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>surprised to the back of her, standing at the foot of the bed with jaehyun on his hands and knees in front of her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jennie’s hips thrust forward and jaehyun moans, dropping down onto his elbows, burying his face into the pillows. it’s then that johnny notices the harness fit snug around jennie’s hips, the slick sounds as she thrusts, the way jaehyun cries out every time she drives forward. johnny stops breathing, frozen in place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he needs to leave, </span>
  <em>
    <span>now,</span>
  </em>
  <span> needs to tuck tail and run and stop bearing witness to something he has no right to even be seeing in the first place, but it’s like he’s watching a car crash–he knows he should look away, but he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun takes the fucking so well, arches his back and drops his hips into each one of jennie’s rough thrusts. he’s not even touching himself, fingers white knuckled around a pillow, and from the angle he’s watching, johnny can see the way jaehyun’s cock smacks against his belly, so swollen and red with need. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>god, johnny’s going to hell. he’s going straight to hell like he deserves, to burn for eternity with all of the other peeping toms and perverts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny watches still, as jennie leans down, mouthing over jaehyun’s slick skin. her lips move and it takes johnny a moment to realize that she’s speaking and another moment to actually catch what she’s saying, just loud enough for johnny to hear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“–feel good, baby? you want </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>to fuck you like this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun whines, high strung and needy, babbling, “yes, yes! i need it harder, please!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>heart thudding, johnny finally forces himself to move past the door, nearly sprinting into the bathroom and slamming the door closed behind himself, locking it with shaking hands. the slam of the door was loud enough that he’s sure jennie and jaehyun have to have heard it, but he’s hoping that they’ll just think he had a bad day at work and was taking his mood out on the door and not because he saw jennie literally fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>pegging </span>
  </em>
  <span>jaehyun and asking him if he wished it was somebody else–with </span>
  <em>
    <span>male pronouns–</span>
  </em>
  <span>fucking him instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>that’s–jesus </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck, </span>
  </em>
  <span>that’s a lot for him to wrap his head around. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>there’s a chance that johnny just misheard what jennie was saying, but in his heart of hearts he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span>he heard it loud and clear, and he’s just not ready to admit it to himself. what are the implications of that, then? how is he supposed to reconcile the new knowledge that jaehyun might not be as straight as johnny thought he was?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>a voice in johnny’s head that sounds strangely like taeyong tells johnny he’s a dumbass if he didn’t realize jaehyun wasn’t one hundred percent straight after he literally stuck his tongue in johnny’s mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny shakes his head to try to physically knock the thought out of his mind, scrubbing a clammy hand over his face. “shit,” he says lowly, resisting the urge to let his knees go weak and sink to the floor. instead, he reaches out and grabs the shower curtain, pulling it back and turning on the faucet, trying to drown out the thoughts in his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he strips deftly, turning on the spray and stepping into the shower, the water hot enough to sting. johnny hisses, his skin immediately going red at the contact. the burn gives him something else to think about for the few seconds it takes to get the temperature to a more bearable level, and he’s grateful for the temporary peace.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>water sluices over his body, soaking his hair to his forehead. he runs his hand through it, pushing it up and out of his face, tilting his head back to let the water run over his face instead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the image of jaehyun on all fours like that, taking jennie’s strap like he’s done it hundred of times before, is burned behind johnny’s eyelids, and he sees it as he closes his eyes against the spray of the shower. his body betrays him, starting to get hard as he recalls the noises jaehyun made, the way he groaned and whimpered as jennie took him like that, and johnny vows to go back to church for the first time in ten years to confess his sins and beg for forgiveness when he slips his hand down his body and grips his cock in his fist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he chokes back his groan, his other hand coming up to brace against the shower wall. he tips his head forward, burying his face into his forearm, biting into the muscle to hide his noises as he pictures jaehyun getting fucked, over and over again until he cums, the water washing his release down the drain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the rest of his shower goes quickly, and he nearly sprints back to his room once he’s done, unwilling to risk running into jaehyun or jennie after what he just did. despite having just gotten out of the shower he feels dirty, he feels guilty. he feels like a shit friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he wants so badly to text taeyong and tell him what happened, to have taeyong bitingly tell him that he’s a fucking asshole, kissing jaehyun and lying about it, then peeping on him having sex and jerking off to it not even ten minutes later in the shower. he needs that kind of honestly, but he can’t betray jaehyun like that. telling taeyong all about his own dirty secrets is one thing, but telling him about jaehyun’s is entirely another. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it’s too much too bear–johnny’s brain is exhausted from work already, and it’s right on the edge of implosion having to try to comprehend everything else that just happened. he just needs to go the fuck to </span>
  <em>
    <span>bed.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he does end up falling asleep eventually, but it’s a fitful rest. he can’t seem to get comfortable, tossing and turning all night. he doesn’t dream, but it feels like if he did, he’d be having nightmares.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny’s alarm wakes him up for class the next morning at eight am, and he groans as he groggily reaches over to his phone and snoozes the alarm. his class isn’t until ten, so he rolls over and closes his eyes again, aiming to snooze his alarm a few (or a dozen) more times until he absolutely has to get up and out of bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the second time he’s woken up, it’s not from his alarm, but from a light knocking on his door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny rolls over, staring with squinted eyes at the door until his brain catches up. “yeah?” he calls, before he can think about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“can i come in?” jaehyun’s voice comes from the other side, and johnny’s brain literally does a record scratch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“uh, yeah, it’s, uh, the door’s not locked,” johnny says, trying hard to mask the way his voice shakes when he answers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the door opens and jaehyun slips in, closing it behind him. the tension in the room is palpable the second he walks in, weird in a way it never used to be between them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun looks around the room for a couple seconds, teeth nibbling into his bottom lip. johnny can’t stand how nervous he looks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“d’you have class today?” jaehyun asks after a minute. it’s clearly a stalling tactic–jaehyun knows johnny’s schedule just about as well as he knows his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah,” johnny says, “until four, then i work today from five to close.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“ah, okay,” jaehyun says, looking around johnny’s room again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“did you, uh, did you need something?” johnny asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“oh! uh, yeah,” jaehyun’s voice is sheepish, “i meant to ask you about it yesterday when you got home from work but then jennie came over and i got, um, a little sidetracked? a-anyways, mark’s having a small kickback at his place tonight, d’you wanna go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what time does it start?” johnny asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“ten, but he said it’s fine if we’re a little late. i know you’ll wanna shower before we go, or whatever,” jaehyun says, shrugging his shoulders. it doesn’t look quite right, not as nonchalant as jaehyun probably wanted it to be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“cool, i’m down,” johnny says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“sweet, i’ll let mark know,” jaehyun says, lingering for a second before he turns on his heel and abruptly leaves the way he came. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny flops back against his pillows, scrubbing his hands over his face. he throws his duvet off, getting out of bed to get ready for class, thinking adamantly about anything and everything other than how incredibly awkward that conversation with jaehyun just felt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>and like, it shouldn’t be? for all intents and purposes, johnny should be the only one between the two of them that knows he saw jaehyun and jennie getting it on last night, but he supposes that his panicked slamming of the door was enough to alert jaehyun that he was home and </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>had pissed him off, so maybe jaehyun has just put two and two together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he really hopes not.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>*</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>thankfully, johnny’s classes for the day are relatively chill, a few of his professors even letting them out early. he works with his favorite manager during his shift, too, so those hours seem to breeze by as well. soon enough it’s nine pm and he’s clocking out for the night, throwing his apron over the hook and waving goodbye to his manager as he dips out the back door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the apartment is quiet again when johnny gets home, but he does catch the sound of jaehyun’s hair dryer running as he gets further inside. jaehyun’s door is open and he’s sitting on his bed shirtless, in a pair of low slung sweatpants as he dries his hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny swallows the lump in his throat, poking his head into jaehyun’s room. jaehyun sees him almost immediately, turning off his hair dryer so they can talk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“hey dude,” johnny says, “i’m gonna hop in the shower and then get changed, and we can head over to mark’s. sound good?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah,” jaehyun nods. “i’m gonna finish my hair and then make myself a drink, you want one?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“sure,” johnny says, “just don’t make it too strong. i’m not trying to black out tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun laughs, the sound light, easy. it makes the tight coil in johnny’s chest unwind just a bit. “alright, alright,” he says, “i won’t overdo it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“thanks, dude,” johnny grins, ducking out of jaehyun’s room and heading to the bathroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he showers quickly, a buzz under his skin the entire time. it feels electric, making his heart thud in his chest and his fingers tingle, and it takes him a minute to figure out that what he’s feeling is </span>
  <em>
    <span>excitement. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he’s been walking on eggshells around jaehyun for the past few weeks, that morning having felt like the final nail in an incredibly awkward coffin, but talking to jaehyun just now finally felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal </span>
  </em>
  <span>again, like they’d finally gotten over that bump in the road that was keeping them from getting where they needed to go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it really does feel like whatever awkwardness was between them is finally gone now; johnny’s not sure exactly how it happened, but he’s grateful for whatever it was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun is in the kitchen when johnny walks into it, finally dressed and hair loosely styled. he didn’t do much with it, just pushed it out of his face with some pomade, his outfit nothing more than a crew neck sweatshirt and his favorite pair of jeans. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>there’s an untouched drink sitting across from jaehyun on the kitchen table, it’s twin already in jaehyun’s hand, half empty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what’d you make?” johnny asks, sitting down opposite jaehyun, inspecting the proffered drink warily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“just a whiskey sour,” jaehyun says. “it’s not too strong, i promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny picks up the drink and takes a sip. it’s perfect–just enough whiskey that he can taste it through the sours, but not so much that he’s cringing at the burn as he swallows.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“is it up to your standards?” jaehyun asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it’s alright,” johnny shrugs, snickering when jaehyun rolls his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they sit long enough to finish their drinks, johnny checking the time on his phone to see it’s already nearly quarter to eleven.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“we should get going,” johnny says, pocketing his phone and getting up to take his and jaehyun’s glasses to the sink. “you want to grab the uber there, or do you want me to get it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’ll get it,” jaehyun says, pulling out his own phone to call their ride.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they arrive to mark’s place soon enough, all of their friends already there. it’s clear that they’ve all been drinking, mark especially, who nearly stumbles over himself in his haste to let johnny and jaehyun in the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“guys, you made it!” mark croons, pulling them both into a sloppy hug.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>mark lets them know about the tub of jungle juice in the kitchen, “don’t drink too much of it if you don’t want to black out. yuta made it and it’s hella strong.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“duly noted,” johnny says, leaving mark to head to said tub of jungle juice and pour himself a half cup. jaehyun follows suit, taking a sip and grimacing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“ugh,” he groans, “it tastes like cough syrup.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“he did say yuta made it,” johnny shrugs, taking his own sip, and jaehyun’s right–the juice is almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>thick, </span>
  </em>
  <span>viscous in the strangest way. “if that’s the case, i wouldn’t be surprised if there actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>cough syrup in here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun groans again, taking another sip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the party is relatively chill, just their main friend group. they’re all squished together in mark’s tiny living room, playing a few rounds of cards against humanity until everyone’s well past tipsy and the clock is striking two am. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun is nearly falling asleep on johnny’s shoulder, his nearly empty cup of jungle juice perched precariously on his thigh. johnny nudges jaehyun’s side, turning his head to murmur in his ear and ask, “you wanna head home?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun hums, the closest thing to a yes that johnny thinks he’s going to get. johnny pulls out his phone and calls them an uber, booking the ride before he announces to the rest of the party that he and jaehyun are going to head out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“aww, man!” mark grumbles from the floor, having flopped into a bean bag chair about an hour ago, unable to get himself out without assistance. nobody’s helped him out but mark doesn’t seem to care, content to lay like he’s boneless, flailing his arms and asking someone to get him a refill when he needed one. “you guys just got here!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“markie, it’s after two am,” jaehyun says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“oh,” mark says, like he didn’t even realize.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they say their goodbyes and duck outside to catch their uber, climbing in the back seat of the car. the uber is small so johnny and jaehyun are pressed thigh to thigh, and jaehyun drops his head to let it rest on johnny’s shoulder again as the car pulls away from the curb. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny swallows hard, sweat breaking out on his hairline. he chances a glance down at jaehyun’s face; his cheeks are flushed, his lashes long and thick. johnny has the sudden urge to count all of the tiny freckles dotting across jaehyun’s nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>that’s venturing into dangerous territory again, so johnny takes a deep breath and forces himself to keep his eyes focused on anything and everything other than jaehyun’s face for the rest of the drive back home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny shakes jaehyun awake again as the uber pulls up outside of their building. “we’re home,” johnny says, so horribly endeared by the soft noise jaehyun makes as he rouses.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny thanks the uber driver as they exit the car, unthinkingly placing his hand on jaehyun’s lower back to guide him into the building. jaehyun stumbles a bit, due to intoxication or exhaustion, johnny’s not really sure, so johnny slips his hand from jaehyun’s back to his hip to hold him steady. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“thanks,” jaehyun says, leaning into johnny’s side as johnny pulls his keys out and unlocks the door to their apartment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>now, looking back on it, johnny’s not sure how exactly it happens, but as he pushes the door open and steps into the apartment, tugging jaehyun along with him, their feet end up horribly tangled, and before he can realize what’s happening and right them, johnny is tumbling to the floor, taking jaehyun down with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny takes the brunt of the fall, landing half on his back and half on his side, jaehyun landing with an “</span>
  <em>
    <span>oof!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>on top of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the weighted door clicks closed behind them, johnny and jaehyun are left nose to nose, just staring. the tension in the room ratchets up to a hundred, silence thick between them, neither of them moving an inch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“jae–” johnny starts, but before he can finish speaking, jaehyun’s lips are crashing down against his, full and soft and desperate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny makes a noise of surprise, his hand coming up to cup the side of jaehyun’s neck. he wars with himself, one side of his brain telling him to stop this now, to push jaehyun away, but the other is screaming at him to keep going, to kiss jaehyun back, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>once might have been an accident, but twice is on purpose.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>in the end, the more impulsive side of johnny’s brain wins out, and the hand on jaehyun’s neck slides up into his hair, gripping the strands so johnny can tilt jaehyun’s head to the side and kiss him back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun gasps, lips parting. johnny takes advantage, slipping his tongue into jaehyun’s mouth, deepening the kiss. jaehyun makes a noise that can’t be mistaken as anything other than a moan, and when he drops his hips against johnny’s, he’s hard beneath the fly of his jeans. johnny’s brain screeches to a halt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“shit, shit, hold on,” johnny grits out, pulling away from the kiss to catch his breath, desperately trying to get himself together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun makes a broken noise, hands curling into the front of johnny’s shirt. “please don’t,” he whimpers. “please don’t push me away again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>for a moment it feels like time has stopped, and johnny struggles to comprehend the words that just came out of jaehyun’s mouth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>please don’t push me away again. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“jaehyun, what–what are you doing?” johnny asks, still breathless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>kissing </span>
  </em>
  <span>you,” jaehyun says, like it’s obvious, and johnny supposes it kind of is. “or at least i’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying to.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“but why?” johnny pushes, still waiting for his brain to catch up to the current situation. “i thought–but you’re–straight?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“johnny,” jaehyun says, sitting up to look johnny in the face. his expression is stern, and johnny hates that the only thing he can focus on is the way jaehyun’s straddling his lap now, his ass putting just the right amount of pressure exactly where johnny wants it. “are you kidding me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what?” johnny says, instinctively getting defensive at the exasperation in jaehyun’s voice. “all you’ve ever done is hook up with girls, how could i not think you were straight?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun sighs, shoulders slumping. “i guess you’re right,” he says, “and i mean, i used to think i </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> completely straight, but–i don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what’s that mean?” johnny asks, feeling more confused now than he’s ever been. “you don’t think you’re straight anymore?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun shakes his head, like he’s trying to knock a thought loose before he speaks again. “i don’t–i guess not? i mean, i’m still attracted to girls but i’m–i’m also attracted to </span>
  <em>
    <span>you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>like, a lot.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny’s brain, once racing, screeches to a halt again. “are you fucking with me?” he blurts out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the expression on jaehyun’s face shifts into something johnny can’t quite give a name to. “i’m not fucking with you,” he says, voice thin like he’s trying to stop it from wavering. “not now and not the first time, either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>a lump plants itself in johnny’s throat, and he tries to swallow past it with little avail. “jae–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i wanted that too, you know,” jaehyun says, cutting johnny off with an urgency, like if he doesn’t get out everything he wants to say now, he’s never going to get another opportunity. “i know i was drunk, but i wasn’t too drunk to realize what i was doing. and i remember it all, johnny, especially how you kissed me back, and made it seem like you wanted me, too. and then the next morning you pretended like nothing had even happened.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what did you expect, jae?” johnny retorts. “you were drunk enough to be stumbling out of taeyong’s apartment, and next thing i know you’re in my bed and sticking your tongue in my mouth? we’ve known each other for years and never </span>
  <em>
    <span>once </span>
  </em>
  <span>did you even hint that you might be interested in me that way. what was i supposed to think?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i </span>
  <em>
    <span>did! </span>
  </em>
  <span>i did try to let you know i was interested,” jaehyun argues, “why do you think i always crawled into your bed? and–and told you about my hookups. i was trying to make you </span>
  <em>
    <span>jealous.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“seriously?” johnny says incredulously. “why didn’t you just </span>
  <em>
    <span>say </span>
  </em>
  <span>something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i don’t know!” jaehyun cries, running a hand through his hair. “you’re the first guy i’ve ever had these kinds of feelings for, johnny. forgive me if i didn’t really know how to approach things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny takes a deep breath, scrubbing his hand over his face, trying to collect his thoughts. “let me just–get this straight,” johnny says. jaehyun presses his lips together, waiting. “so. you have–</span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings </span>
  </em>
  <span>for me. and you’ve had them for at least a year?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah,” jaehyun confirms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny continues, “and when you kissed me, the first time and just now, it’s not ‘cause you’re drunk, but because you like me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun pursues his lips, nodding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“and jennie?” johnny asks, “what about her?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“we’re not serious,” jaehyun says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“huh,” johnny hums, suddenly feeling like he’s been dropped into a parallel universe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>huh? </span>
  </em>
  <span>that’s it? that’s all you have to say?” jaehyun frowns. “i’m here confessing that i’ve had a gigantic crush on you for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>year, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and all i get back is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>huh?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’m–not exactly working at full brain capacity right now, jae,” johnny confesses, “especially not with the way you’re literally sitting on my dick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny flexes his hips, pushing up against jaehyun’s ass just enough for jaehyun to feel how hard he is in his jeans. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>oh,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>jaehyun breathes, lips parting and cheeks going pink. the atmosphere around them shifts, tension suddenly thick between them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i don’t know if you’ve ever noticed,” johnny murmurs, hands sliding up jaehyun’s thighs to rest on his hips, thumbing over the waistband of his jeans. “but i’ve had the biggest fucking crush on you since freshman year, and having you on top of me like this right now is kind of scrambling my brain.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck, </span>
  </em>
  <span>come here,” jaehyun whines, gripping johnny’s shirt and leaning down to kiss him again, filthy and deep from the get go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun moans into johnny’s mouth when johnny’s teeth sink into his bottom lip, squirming in johnny’s lap. johnny uses his grip on jaehyun’s hips to tilt them forward, just slightly until he can feel jaehyun’s erection press up again his own, sighing into jaehyun’s mouth when jaehyun honest to god </span>
  <em>
    <span>whimpers </span>
  </em>
  <span>and ruts down harder against johnny’s cock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’m so fucking hard,” jaehyun breathes, breaking away from johnny’s mouth to plant wet kisses down johnny’s neck, tugging the collar of johnny’s sweatshirt down to bite a hickey into his collarbone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“me too,” johnny grunts, tipping his head back to give jaehyun more access to his skin. “shit, i could cum like this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun moans and, to johnny’s dismay, pulls away from the spot he was teething on johnny’s neck. “let’s go to your room,” he says. “i don’t wanna finish out here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“fuck, come on,” johnny says, pushing jaehyun away from him so they can both scramble to their feet, nearly tripping over each other again. johnny grabs jaehyun’s hand, tugging him through the apartment and into his bedroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>once inside, johnny kicks the door closed, not even flinching at the way it slams, knocking one of johnny’s picture frames off the wall. he’s too busy pushing jaehyun down onto the bed, crawling on top of him and claiming his mouth in another hungry kiss to care.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun kisses johnny back like he’s trying to devour him, hands grabbing at johnny shirt to tug him closer and closer, slotting his thigh between johnny’s legs. johnny groans into jaehyun’s mouth, grinding down on the firm muscle of his thigh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“shit, you’re so big,” jaehyun nearly gasps, pulling away from the kiss to catch his breath. “please, take your clothes off, i want to see–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun’s words break off into a desperate sound of need when johnny leans back and shucks his sweatshirt off over his head. he runs his shaky palms over the plane of johnny’s abdomen, fingers catching in the shallow grooves of his muscles. johnny lets him admire for a moment before he’s batting his hands away and gripping the bottom of jaehyun’s own shirt, urging him to strip it off as well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun’s body isn’t something to just bat an eye at either. well defined and sculpted, it makes johnny want to run his tongue along the definition of his abs, wants to dip it into his navel just to see what kinds of sounds jaehyun might make. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it takes a second but johnny realizes that he can indeed do just that, so he ducks down to lick hotly over jaehyun’s belly, revelling in the way jaehyun moans, his fingers curling into johnny’s hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny laves around jaehyun’s navel, dipping in just a bit before he noses down to the waistband of jaehyun’s jeans. he’s hard and straining against the zipper; johnny starts to salivate at the thought of getting jaehyun’s cock in his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i wanna suck you off,” johnny murmurs, pressing his lips to the bulge of jaehyun’s arousal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“oh fuck,” jaehyun groans, tugging a little at johnny’s hair. “fuck yes, please suck my cock, oh god–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun’s words break off into a whine when johnny pops the button of his fly, palming over his cock before he drags the zipper down, torturously slow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’ve wanted to do this for so long,” johnny admits, tugging the waistband of jaehyun’s jeans and boxers down, nuzzling at the skin he exposes, only a little surprised to find that it’s completely bare, smooth and hairless. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you’ve thought about it?” jaehyun asks, eyes dark as he watches johnny nuzzle at his pubic bone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah,” johnny breathes, pushing jaehyun’s waistband down further and further, jaehyun lifting his hips to help johnny slide his bottoms over his ass. johnny’s breath catches when jaehyun’s cock springs free, slapping lightly against his belly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i–i have, too,” jaehyun admits, somewhat shyly, his voice barely above a whisper. “about even more than this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you have?” johnny asks, wrapping his hand around jaehyun’s cock and giving it a few loose tugs, thumbing over the head. jaehyun mewls, and johnny’s thumb comes back wet. “will you tell me about it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>before jaehyun can elaborate, johnny parts his lips and slips the tip of his cock into his mouth, tonguing softly over the slit. jaehyun’s precome is bitter on his tongue, and it’s better than he’d ever imagined it would be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“s-shit, oh shit, johnny, that’s so good,” jaehyun babbles, dropping his head back onto johnny’s pillows. his hips jerk, trying to fuck deeper into johnny’s mouth. johnny lets it happen, sinking down further on jaehyun’s cock, swallowing hard to keep from gagging. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny’s not overly confident in most aspects of his life, but one thing he’s sure of is that he’s damn good at sucking cock. he takes jaehyun easy, bobbing his head and softening his throat to let jaehyun inside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun’s thighs tremble where johnny’s hands hold them down, his hips twitching in aborted little movements, desperately trying to buck up but johnny holds him steadfast, giving him no choice but to lay back and let johnny play with his body how he pleases. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“tell me,” johnny pulls off jaehyun’s cock long enough to say. “tell me what you fantasised about.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny grips jaehyun’s thigh harder, pushing his leg up towards his chest. jaehyun whines, probably not used to being exposed like this. “tell me,” johnny says again, before he parts his lips and sinks back down on jaehyun’s cock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it’s so–</span>
  <em>
    <span>embarrassing,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>jaehyun admits, throwing one arm over to cover his eyes. johnny hums around jaehyun’s cock as if to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>go on, </span>
  </em>
  <span>urging jaehyun to elaborate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“f-fuck, i–i thought about </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>jaehyun says. “it was so weird, the first time i thought about you, l-like that. that’s why i–</span>
  <em>
    <span>oh god–</span>
  </em>
  <span>why i ended things with joy, y’know? f-felt like i was cheating, i dunno, thinking about you when i was with her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny pulls off again, stroking jaehyun slowly and resting his cheek on jaehyun’s hip. as much as he wants to keep sucking jaehyun’s cock, he wants to be an active part of this conversation even more, pushing jaehyun to keep talking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it was little things at first,” jaehyun says, “like, just thinking about k-kissing you. and it just–grew from there. next thing i knew i was–</span>
  <em>
    <span>mmm, fuck–</span>
  </em>
  <span>touching myself and imagining it was you instead. i wanted so much, and i just–i don’t know why i never </span>
  <em>
    <span>said </span>
  </em>
  <span>anything to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“we wasted so much time,” johnny murmurs, mouthing over the base of jaehyun’s cock. “we could have been doing this </span>
  <em>
    <span>months </span>
  </em>
  <span>ago, if either of us had just made a move.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“in my defense,” jaehyun says, voice quivering again as johnny presses open mouthed kisses to his shaft. “i </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>make a move. y-you were the one who pretended it didn’t happen.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny sighs, crawling up jaehyun’s body, hovering over him so they’re chest to chest, face to face. “i </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry about that,” johnny says, leaning down to kiss jaehyun, chaste but sweet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it’s okay, really,” jaehyun says. “i understand why you did it, and it was–it was stupid of me to wait until i was drunk to kiss you, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mess,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>johnny snickers, nosing over jaehyun’s cheek, down to his jaw to press a wet kiss to the hinge of it. “glad we finally got our shit together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun hums, a sound johnny takes as agreement, his hands threading into johnny’s hair again as he pulls him up into another kiss. jaehyun’s other hand dips down their bodies, slipping over johnny’s chest, his abs, between his thighs to palm his cock. johnny moans into jaehyun’s mouth, thrusting against his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“let me return the favor,” jaehyun murmurs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they switch places, johnny on his back against the pillows. jaehyun lays between his thighs, helping johnny shimmy his jeans and boxers down his legs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun stares at johnny’s bare cock for an uncomfortable amount of time, johnny fidgeting as he waits for jaehyun to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>something. “if you don’t want to–” johnny starts, but jaehyun cuts him off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i want to,” he says. “i was just–you’re bigger than i thought you’d be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“does it make you nervous?” johnny asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun’s cheeks flush a pretty, peachy pink. “no,” he says, and in his next breath, wraps his fingers around johnny’s cock and takes the head in between his lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun’s mouth is hot and wet and perfect, his tongue fluttering around the tip of johnny’s cock, victim to inexperience.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“shit, jae, go slow,” johnny says, cupping jaehyun’s hot cheek. “don’t push yourself too hard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it’s okay,” jaehyun says, pulling off to mouth wetly at the tip. “‘s’not–not my first time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>that makes johnny take pause, his hand curling where it sits on jaehyun’s cheek. “you’ve–you’ve sucked cock before?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun’s eyes go wide, realizing what it was he just said. “i, um,” he stutters, eyes glancing nervously to the side. “it’s not–not what you think. jennie, she–she has a, uh, a strap on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>memories hit johnny like a smack in the face–jaehyun, face down ass up on his bed, jennie behind him, thrusting roughly, jaehyun whimpering and begging for more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>guilt follows the recollection. johnny uncurls his hand and rubs his thumb over jaehyun’s cheek. “i need to tell you something,” johnny says, soothing jaehyun when he starts to clam up with anxiety. “it’s nothing bad, i promise. i just–” he takes a breath– “i, uh, i already knew jennie had a strap on, because i accidentally saw her fucking you with it the other night.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun’s eyes go wide, and his cheeks darken even more. “you–you saw that?” he asks meekly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’m sorry,” johnny says, “i didn’t mean to. i was going to the bathroom to take a shower, and the door to your bedroom was cracked open. i felt like such a perv after.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun groans, dropping his head to johnny’s hip. “that’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>embarrassing,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whines. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny swallows hard, threading his fingers into jaehyun’s hair. “is that–something you like, then? getting fucked?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun takes a shuddering breath. “that was the only time she fucked me like that,” jaehyun admits. “she, um, she knew. about my feelings for you. she was helping me work through it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>another memory like a punch to the face makes johnny wheeze. jennie’s words, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you want him to fuck you like this?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“so you were thinking of </span>
  <em>
    <span>me?</span>
  </em>
  <span> while she fucked you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun nods, an almost imperceptible little bob of his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>god, </span>
  </em>
  <span>johnny had hoped–when he’d heard jennie say those things to jaehyun, he wished </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>hard that his first thoughts had been true, that it was him who jaehyun was wanting for, and to hear jaehyun admit it? to have jaehyun confirm that johnny’s wildest fantasies were true? it’s almost more than he can handle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>key word being </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“jesus fucking christ, jaehyun, that’s so hot,” johnny nearly wheezes, grappling at jaehyun’s shoulders to get him to come back up to johnny’s level. jaehyun comes willingly, straddling johnny’s lap as johnny yanks him into a kiss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you’re not mad?” jaehyun asks, feather light against johnny’s lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“fuck no, i’m not mad,” johnny says, shifting his hips so his and jaehyun’s cocks press together, hissing with pleasure when jaehyun instinctively grinds down, chasing friction. “you have no idea what hearing that does to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i think i have an idea,” jaehyun breathes, slipping a hand between their bodies to wrap around both of their cocks. johnny hisses in pleasure, tipping his head back against the pillows. “it gets you hot, doesn’t it? knowing that while she was fucking me, i was imagining that it was you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“makes me </span>
  <em>
    <span>crazy,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>johnny says, “because i know i could fuck you </span>
  <em>
    <span>better.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun’s hand squeezes tighter around the both of them, his breath coming in heavy, shaky near gasps. “then do it,” he says. “fuck me better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>not that johnny thinks he would, but johnny doesn’t give jaehyun the chance to go back on his words. he rolls them, pushing jaehyun down into the sheets, and pushes jaehyun’s thighs up toward his chest. johnny thumbs over jaehyun’s hole, pressing against it just to watch the way it flexes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you look so good like this, jae,” johnny breathes, ducking down to kiss wetly over jaehyun’s twitching hole.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun shouts, instinctively trying to close his thighs. he relaxes after a moment, sinking into the pillows, mouth slack. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“has anyone ever done this to you?” johnny murmurs, kissing the spot where jaehyun’s thigh meets his ass. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“no,” jaehyun says, “you’re the first.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck, </span>
  </em>
  <span>baby, i’m gonna be your first for a lot of things, aren’t i?” johnny asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“baby,” jaehyun echoes dreamily, “i like the sound of that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny laughs airily, pressing one more kiss to jaehyun’s thigh before he goes back to lave over his hole, pushing his tongue against it to start opening jaehyun up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun trembles as johnny eats him out, unshy with his pleasure. he moans and fucks down against johnny’s mouth, toes curling, hands running through johnny’s hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it feels like a dream, having jaehyun below him like this. seeing and feeling him tremble, hearing his noises, knowing that they’re for and because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>never even in his wildest fantasies did he ever imagine that this could be his reality, that he’d have jaehyun in his bed, thighs spread, begging for johnny to fuck him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“please, don’t tease me anymore,” jaehyun begs, skin clammy, flushed down to his chest. johnny is three fingers deep inside of him, lube dripping down the cleft of his ass and staining johnny’s sheets. “i’m ready, johnny, come on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“are you sure?” johnny asks, spreading his fingers to test the resistance of jaehyun’s body. he’s soft, opens easily, but johnny’s not small by any means, and he still worries that he’s going to hurt jaehyun if he tries to push inside of him too soon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’m sure,” jaehyun says. “i know you’re–bigger than jennie’s strap was, b-but you’ve already fingered me way more than she did, and it barely hurt when she put it in me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“if it hurts and you want me to stop, you need to tell me, okay?” johnny says, pulling his fingers from jaehyun’s body. jaehyun moans, clenching around nothing, but nods to show he understands johnny’s terms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny reaches over into his nightstand, grabbing a condom and the lube again to slick his cock once he’s rolled the rubber on. jaehyun looks on forlornly, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“what’s wrong?” johnny asks, concern creasing his brow. “you getting cold feet?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“no,” jaehyun says, eyes darting from johnny’s cock to his face, back and forth like a pinball before he chooses to stare instead at johnny’s mouth. “i just–i was kinda hoping my first time getting fucked by a real cock would be, um, with nothing in the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“oh,” johnny says, heat shooting down his spine at the thought of fucking jaehyun completely raw, coming inside him and filling him up. “we’ll get tested, together. once we know we’re both clean, i’ll fuck you raw as much as you want.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun licks his lips, eyes finally drawing back to johnny’s. “deal,” he says, hooking his thigh over johnny’s hip, pulling him in close. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny grips his cock, stroking it a few more times before he presses it against jaehyun’s hole, not enough pressure to sink inside, but just enough for jaehyun to feel it. “ready, baby?” johnny asks, breathless with anticipation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah,” jaehyun says, bottom lip caught between his teeth again. he worries it for a moment before letting go, licking over the tiny raw spot his teeth left behind. “fuck me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny holds himself steady with one hand, the other meeting with jaehyun’s, twining their fingers together. johnny noses along jaehyun’s cheek, catching his lips and swallowing the gasp jaehyun lets out as johnny finally pushes inside of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it’s so hot, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>tight </span>
  </em>
  <span>inside of jaehyun, even after all of the effort johnny put in to stretch him out. johnny surges forward until he’s buried all the way inside, his hips pressed flush to jaehyun’s ass. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“oh,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>jaehyun breathes, his voice trembling. “that’s–you’re–</span>
  <em>
    <span>in me.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you’re perfect,” johnny moans, his hips rutting minutely, beyond his control. “you feel so </span>
  <em>
    <span>good.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun laughs, sounding near delirious, breathy and elated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“does it hurt?” johnny asks, petting over jaehyun’s flank. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“no,” jaehyun breathes, “it feels good, feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>full. </span>
  </em>
  <span>you can move, if you want to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny can’t even honor jaehyun’s words with a reply, smoothing his hand down jaehyun’s side to grip his hip, holding him steady as he pulls out slowly, until only the tip of his cock is still inside, then ruts back inside. their skin slaps together wetly, slick with lube and sweat, and jaehyun </span>
  <em>
    <span>wails.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>screwing jaehyun like this is–more than johnny can form a coherent thought around, really. he’s so reactive, so unashamed in the way he wants, the way he begs for johnny to give it to him deeper, harder, faster. johnny supposes that might have something to do with the way jaehyun’s been repressing his desires for the better part of a year–getting to finally release them must be utterly </span>
  <em>
    <span>euphoric.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it’s the same for johnny, too. so many years of pent up need, of jerking off alone in his room to half baked fantasies of the person living just a room away from him, finally coming to fruition in a way he never actually thought they ever would. the hot, tight clutch of jaehyun’s body, his noises, the sweet parting of his cherry lips, </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“it’s so good, it’s so good,” jaehyun babbles. his hands are everywhere–johnny’s hair, scrabbling against his chest, his shoulders, in jaehyun’s own mouth. his brow furrows, lips parted, moaning wantonly every time johnny fucks back inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you like it?” johnny breathes, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear jaehyun say it out loud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i love it,” jaehyun says, reaching for johnny’s hand and curling their fingers together. “it’s so–so much better.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“better than jennie?” johnny asks, squeezing jaehyun’s hand. jaehyun hums in affirmation, a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>mhm </span>
  </em>
  <span>that breaks off into a breathy moan. “better than you imagined?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“yeah,” jaehyun says, so honest. “‘m so–mad at myself. can’t believe i waited so long to ask for this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you and me both, baby,” johnny laughs. he uses his free hand to grip the underside of jaehyun’s right thigh, pushing it upwards to tilt jaehyun’s hips a little, giving johnny a better angle when he thrusts back inside again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun makes a shocked noise, seizing for a moment like he’s been shocked. “oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck, </span>
  </em>
  <span>that was–</span>
  <em>
    <span>god, </span>
  </em>
  <span>that feels good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny does all he can to keep that same angle, his cock bumping over jaehyun’s prostate on every thrust. jaehyun’s cock is leaking a puddle of clear slick onto his belly, pooling just above his navel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>not much longer after that, jaehyun starts to whimper from the constant stimulation to his prostate. his toes curl as he whines, “fuck, johnny, i think i’m gonna cum.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“can you do it like this?” johnny asks, thrusting harder to make sure jaehyun understands exactly what he means. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i don’t–i don’t know,” jaehyun bemoans, legs twitching uncontrollably every time johnny’s cock rubs just right against his prostate. “i’m so close, ‘m right there but i don’t think i can–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“shh, it’s okay,” johnny soothes, finally slipping a hand between their bodies to grab jaehyun’s dripping cock, so slick with precome that it makes the slide of johnny’s hand as he strokes him smooth and easy. “come for me, jae.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it’s not instantaneous, but it does take only a few more strokes of johnny’s hand for jaehyun to reach his climax, stuttering “‘m gonna cum, johnny, ‘m so close, oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>god–”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun cums with a wail, spurting hot and wet all over johnny’s hand and his own belly. johnny strokes him through it, ducking down to kiss him, muffling all of jaehyun’s small, overstimulated noises.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny lets jaehyun ride out his high, staying buried inside of him while he trembles through the little aftershocks of pleasure. he pulls back to wipe a few stray tears from jaehyun’s face, having dripped down his cheeks when his eyes started to water as he came. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“you’re still hard,” jaehyun murmurs, wiggling his hips a bit and hissing at the sensitivity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i can pull out,” johnny says, “if it’s too much for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“no, ‘s okay,” jaehyun says. “you can keep going.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny groans, dropping his head to rest on jaehyun’s collarbone. “i’m almost there,” he says, “won’t take long, i promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun takes a shaky breath but otherwise doesn’t protest, and that’s all the permission johnny needs. johnny lifts his head, adjusting to brace himself on his elbows on either side of jaehyun’s head. jaehyun tucks his face into the crook of johnny’s neck, mouthing at his skin as he starts to thrust again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he starts slow, cognisant of jaehyun’s sensitivity, but the closer he gets to reaching his own orgasm, the less control he has. by the time he feels his release coiling tightly in his belly, he’s fucking jaehyun hard enough to shunt him up the bed, and jaehyun is nearly sobbing into his neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“just a little more,” johnny pants, gripping the sheets next to jaehyun’s head. he’s toeing the precipice, nearly about to fall over the edge. “take it for me, baby, f-fuck–oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit, </span>
  </em>
  <span>jae, you feel so good, gonna make me cum.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“please,” jaehyun whimpers, barely audible, and that’s all johnny needs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he cums with a groan, pressing his face into jaehyun’s hair as he grinds against his ass, hips jerking with every spurt into the condom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny collapses on top of jaehyun as he comes down, panting into jaehyun’s skin. they lay pressed together like that for a few minutes until it gets too uncomfortable, jaehyun groaning about johnny’s weight and the cum drying on his stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>even though he’s as gentle as he can be, jaehyun still hisses with discomfort when johnny pulls out. jaehyun’s hole gapes just a bit, red and puffy from abuse, and johnny can’t really help himself when he reaches down and rubs his thumb over it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>jaehyun twitches, groaning before he says, “oh god, don’t do that, i’m still sensitive.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“sorry,” johnny apologizes, pulling his hand away and leaning down to plant a soft kiss on jaehyun’s hip bone instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“‘s’okay,” jaehyun hums. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>johnny smiles sheepishly at him, one hand rubbing over jaehyun’s thigh while the other opens the drawer to his nightstand. he grabs the pack of wet wipes he keeps in there, plucking one out and using it to clean the mess from jaehyun’s belly and between his legs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“how do you feel?” he asks once jaehyun’s been thoroughly cleaned, the used wipe tossed haphazardly in the direction of the trash. johnny strips the condom off, tying it in a knot before he tosses that, too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“good,” jaehyun says. “kinda sore, but in a really nice way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“i’m glad,” johnny says, pulling back his duvet so he and jaehyun can crawl under the covers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>it feels so easy for them to lay together, jaehyun rolling onto his side so johnny can cuddle up against his back. he knows he and jaehyun should probably talk, so they can iron out exactly what it is they’re going to be moving forward, but for now, johnny’s content to press his nose against the nape of jaehyun’s neck and curl his arm around his waist to keep him close.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the rest can wait until morning. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/_yeolocity">twit</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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